The Escapades of a Brat and a Gallant
by BenBong
Summary: A version of just what exactly Naruto Uzumaki and his unorthodox teacher, Jiraiya the Gallant, get up to on their little 'training' trip. Following from the Canon events, but differs from the training trip onwards.
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone. This is my first attempt to write actually commit to writing something of any size outside of school, so I wouldn't expect_ too_ much. All reviews are welcome! I'm going to attempt to add a little humour here (note 'attempt') and as Jiraiya is actually trying to prepare Naruto for the ninja world, in my version anyways, Jiraiya will be showing Naruto what being a shinobi, and a spymaster, means and entails. I'm sure that I can include a pairing if it's wanted, not sure who it will be though. Maybe an OC? Anyways, it's rated an M for swearing and just any unpleasantness that comes with ninjas and death and all that shit. Lastly, I hope you enjoy it, and I'll be adding some more chapters until I find something else to occupy me!

Also, I don't own anything.

The Escapades of a Brat and a Gallant

Chapter One

His eyes cracked open as he caught a whiff of the putrid smell. The putrid smell being his sensei, in an unceremonious heap on the grass a few feet from his own, prone body. Naruto Uzumaki had grown accustomed to trying not to place his own sleeping mat downwind of the stinking pervert, but after yesterday's 'thorough' training, he had just plonked himself wherever.

It seemed he was paying the price.

The unpleasant aroma of cheap sake had awoken him, being blown either from the empty bottles strewn over the dewed grass, or from the grotesque sight that was Jiraiya the Sannin, the creature which had consumed the contents of these bottles. Although he was in this unholy state, it was still Jiraiya that usually woke Naruto up, meaning that it must have been fairly early. They had both settled into a comfortable routine over the past year of Naruto's training trip, and to have the routine broken like this was certainly was an oddity. Maybe this was fate?

He stirred as he heard the distinctive 'snapping' of twigs on the forest floor.

Although still bleary eyed, he was able to roll to the side as an axe pierced the top of his sleeping mat, where his head had laid only moments ago.

Yep, definitely fate.

The perpetrator strutted into the clearing the blonde was currently in. Two more, heavily armed men appeared next to the first. Make that perpetrators. From their attire and choice of weapons, Naruto assumed that they were simple bandits. The heavy weaponry and armour they carried made it seem unlikely that they were shinobi, but bandits had surprised him in the past.

He shuddered at the memory, while quickly backing away from the three men.

'Ugh, it's too early for this shit,' the blonde thought angrily, clearly unimpressed about being deprived of his sleep.

He was brought out of his musings by the sneering of one of the bandits, the leader he assumed.

"Hey kid, how about you give us your bags," gesturing to the baggage to the side of the mats, "and maybe we won't kill the old man." He pointed at the back of the white haired idiot, still in his drunken stupor, with the end of his large axe.

Naruto deadpanned at the 'sleeping' figure. There was no way that he wasn't awake.

'Lazy bastard,' Naruto concluded.

But, without his headband on, the bandits had obviously thought Naruto an ordinary 14 year old. If they were aware that the blonde teen was in fact the Jinchuuriki of the Nine tailed fox, and that 'the old man' was Jiraiya, the legendary toad sage, they would have most likely beat a hasty retreat.

Naruto pondered. There were multiple ways he could approach the matter at hand. Maybe he could act like an average 14 year old would, give them the bags, and then ambush them? Or he could go at it old school, with a few hundred shadow clones, and maybe a few Rasengans? Today though, something a little more… abstract was what he had decided upon.

* * *

The blonde boy in front of the three fearsome bandits suddenly broke into a huge grin, after what seemed a moment of thought. The man to the right flinched as the smile grew to an abnormal size, leaving the figure in front of them looking somewhat reminiscent of a certain Cheshire cat, impressive canines and all. His arms began to rise above his head and his stance widened, as if to announce something important.

"How about," the teen began; his voice projecting far louder than the three would have thought was possible. The wind blew harshly, sending autumn leaves across the small clearing, as though the gods themselves were watching. It was truly a spectacle to behold. "You fuck off," he finished grandly.

The three heavy set men blinked. Then they blinked again.

That certainly wasn't what they were expecting.

A stunned silence fell throughout the grassy area, as if all had stopped to curiously observe the teen. This silence however, was promptly smashed as the lead man of the trio fell, face first, into the ground. His two cronies looked startled at their leader's sudden action.

"Hey Kenji, now isn't the time for sleeping," the man to his left not-so-discreetly muttered from the corner of his mouth, while still trying to keep up his 'intimidating' façade. It seemed he wasn't the brightest of bandits. After a gentle kick and no response from the prone man, both standing bandits turned their attention to the recently named 'Kenji', forgetting their attempted robbery victim. While both men had failed to notice the kunai embedded deep in their leaders' chest, neither could miss the spreading pool of crimson liquid surrounding the man.

While one of the two looked ready to cry, the other, clearly the more attentive of the two, looked around once more, with a renewed vigour. Seeing nothing amiss, the old man still 'asleep', he looked to the strange blonde teen, still grinning wildly.

"Did you have anything to do with this, brat?" the only standing bandit left asked, the other having dropped his weapon in favour of kneeling, sobbing, at his dead counterpart's side.

"I sure did!" Naruto exclaimed, giving the large, dark skinned man a thumbs up, to sit neatly with the huge smile he still wore.

Having lost his patience with the grinning buffoon not 20 feet away, the heavily muscled man unsheathed the large sword strapped to his back, a no-dachi if Naruto was correct in his identification, and quickly charged the ever-grinning boy.

* * *

'Balls. That no-dachi will cut me to pieces if I try to engage from range,' Naruto quickly analysed as he watched the man cross the open area towards him. 'I need to move quickly, and get inside his guard. Disabling either his arms could be dangerous as the sword could drop on me as I try to move away. I've got to disable his movement, which means legs or spine, and with only a single kunai, my safest bet is severing the tendon just below his lower calf.'

Now Naruto was no expert on human anatomy, but he'd been taught the most efficient ways of disabling the movement of the human body, and this was one of them. Having used one of the two kunai he kept on him when sleeping, to dispatch the leader, he was left with taking on this hulk of a man, with a sword taller than Naruto, with a single kunai.

Not fun.

Being harshly brought to the present by the whistle of the huge blade as it cut down towards him, he quickly flipped backwards, out of the range of the large no-dachi. The bandit, quickly understanding that he was not facing an ordinary teenager, decided to press home his supposed advantage.

Another swing, horizontally this time, clearly levelled to behead the boy. Naruto swiftly ducked below the blade and rolled towards the man's feet, kunai poised to slice the tend-

SMACK

Naruto was sent reeling as the large man retracted his foot. It seemed Naruto had severely underestimated this bandit, and received quite a blow for it. He quickly retreated out of the range of the large sword. The man had got only a glancing blow to Naruto's shoulder as he exited his roll, but the power behind it was rather something. Of course a different approach was necessary; he doubted he would be able to disable his opponent without the use of chakra, as he had originally planned to.

The pain in his shoulder had soon receded to a dull throbbing, as he readied himself, aware that the man was making towards him – with his immense sword at the ready.

The man lifted his blade high, seemingly intending to deliver another downward slash. This left his body wide open, a fact Naruto was most definitely going to take advantage of.

As he darted forward however, the man's weight shifted strangely.

'Shit!'

Naruto noticed just in time, as the blade came stabbing downwards, towards his exposed back. He dived to the side as the end of the sword pierced the earth where he should have been.

Naruto quickly retreated yet again, away the troublesome bandit.

'He feinted that he would make a long downward slash, instead of the short stab he really took. I can't let this go on much longer, or I could get seriously injured,' the blonde grimly thought. 'Again.'

The next bout would decide who would leave the clearing alive.

* * *

The large bandit approached. Ah, a thrust with the long sword this time. Naruto pivoted, allowing the blade to pass harmlessly to the left of him. He quickly thrust towards the figure holding the huge sword, but it was his turn to pivot this time, and doing so allowed him to swing his sword horizontally at the blonde.

Naruto leaped high, tucking in his feet to clear the cutting edge of the no-dachi as it whistled past, hopefully for the last time. The blonde let loose his kunai, tossing it at the unfortunate bandit's face, only a few feet away. Although he leaned back as far as the heavy hunk of metal in his hands would allow him to, the bandit still received a nasty gash along his forehead.

"Do it," were the words that came from the taxed genin, as he still hung in mid-air from his large leap. The two words was all that was needed for the Kage Bunsin, positioned behind the dark skinned bandit, just below the green grass that covered the clearing. The horribly over-balanced bandit dropped like a brick as the clone viciously severed the Achilles tendon that kept the man standing.

Pity. He was rather skilled with the oversized weapon.

A nod from the original and the clone quickly drove his kunai into the downed man's temple. Naruto took no pleasure in killing, but he showed no remorse to those which did.

A scream rang out from behind Naruto. He quickly turned, expecting to see the third bandit charging him, axe in hand.

What he saw however, was quite different.

The blonde quizzically raised an eyebrow as he watched the third bandit trying to jam his recently severed toes back on to his foot.

What had been going on behind his back while he was fighting for his life, he would probably never know.

What he saw now though, was a grown man crying like a little girl, his left foot derived of multiple toes and a rather bloodied axe next to the blubbering wreck. He wasn't really sure that he wanted to know.

* * *

So the first chapter is done, and the second is being posted soon! Any mistakes, feel free to point out, and thanks for reading the start to (hopefully) a decent story.

Ben.


	2. Chapter 2

So here is the second chapter and I hope you enjoy it!

Unfortunately, I don't own anything.

The Escapades of a Brat and a Gallant

Chapter 2

"What the hell was that, brat?" Jiraiya asked, referring to the short fight between large bandit and his apprentice.

After leaving the last bandit to do… whatever it was he was doing, Naruto had collected his kunai, packed his sleeping stuff away, changed his clothes and was busy walking away when his idiot sensei had managed to drag himself up. He joined Naruto a few moments later, after checking the multitude of bottles surrounding him for any sign of alcohol. They were empty, meaning a trip to the nearest town, and so they joined the busy road leading to Nasaka, a large market town in Northern Fire Country.

"Well," the blonde paused before sheepishly continuing." I wanted to see if I could beat him without any chakra." He quickly received a slap to the back of his head

"What was the first thing I taught you brat?"

"Well, you said that I should always show a woman that I care about them giving them a good smack on the ar-

"Not that!" The Sage hastily shook his head. "I mean it is important, a golden rule even, but what about the thing I said after that, you know, about fighting."

"Oh. That I should never drag a fight out, even to test myself." The blonde easily recited.

"Good." Jiraiya smiled warmly. His student had remembered well. "An unknown enemy is a dangerous one, and you should always finish it as fast as possible." He continued, wanting to make sure the brat had understood. "What would you have done if more bandits had arrived?"

Naruto knew his sensei was right, but there was no way he would tell him that.

"Sure, sure, whatever pervert" The white haired man leaned forward to clip his student's head again, ready to berate him, but he stopped suddenly. They had reached the town's outskirts, and the scorching weather meant scantily clad women heading to hot springs to escape the beating sun. What a glorious day!

"Well kiddo, I've got important… sage-y business to deal with." Jiraiya quickly said to his shorter counterpart. "Feel free to train or… whatever" He trailed off as a particularly well endowed female strolled past, her yukata tied rather loose.

He was gone

Naruto was well aware that his teacher was lying through his teeth, but he didn't mind as it gave him a bit of a respite from the harsh training Jiraiya put him through. And although these 'off' days weren't hugely common (maybe twice a month) they did allow him access the celestial substance that was Ramen, so he certainly wasn't upset when they came about.

He breathed deeply as he wandered through the streets that were his first contact with civilisation in over 14 days. The main road through the centre of the city was laden with people of all varieties, visiting the vast array of stalls and stands that stood at either side of the cobbled expanse.

It was swelteringly hot as the sun reached the apex of its ascent, the wispy white clouds that pottered along the azure sky doing little to block the incoming rays. He was reluctantly grateful that the heavy orange jumpsuit was with him no more; one of the first actions his new sensei took was to feed it to Gamakichi. He told Naruto that if he was going to be Jiraiya's student, he would be sticking with colours a little less garish, and that he could wear all the orange he wanted as soon as he was able to evade his teacher for more than a couple of minutes, as was the average currently.

That was why Naruto was currently sitting at a ramen bar, inhaling the noodles, dressed in the standard Konoha shinobi attire, minus the usual flak jacket, in a rather average shade of dark blue. He seemed to attract a lot more of the female kind of attention with his new choice of clothing, and thus he was no stranger to the opposite sex. It was why he noticed the occasional glances the rather attractive girl behind the counter was giving him. She looked a few years older than him and seemed to be working alone.

"Is it just you working the stand today?" Naruto struck up conversation innocently.

"Yeah, my folks are out of town for the week," she replied, pouting, rather cutely Naruto might add.

Naruto inwardly smirked as the banter between himself and the girl continued.

'This is going to be far too easy'

* * *

Naruto groaned as he tried to move his forearm to cover his eyes, preventing the morning sun from disturbing his sleep, on this oh-so-comfortable bed.

Something was on his arm.

He briefly wondered if it was some kind of assassin, pinning his arms before smothering him with a pillow. But with a quick peek, he confirmed that it was the girl from the ramen stand, minus any kind of clothing she had worn when they first met about fifteen hours ago.

'Damn, I'm good.' He congratulated himself on his catch.

Back when Naruto had first noticed his newly acquired attention, he had asked Jiraiya for some kind of advice.

Bad idea.

Their next town visit, ergo Naruto's attempt at putting his teacher's "Golden Rules" to practice, had culminated in both his arms being broken, at least 4 times throughout his stay in Hiraki. What was most worrying was that Jiraiya hadn't even tried to trick his student – it was his honest advice.

Never again would he consult Jiraiya when it concerned women. At least not unless he was planning on losing limbs.

Naruto quickly remembered, his memory triggered about his most recent thoughts on his teacher, that his Sensei had said something about a possible mission today.

'Well I guess I should go find him, before my most recent… adventure wakes up,' he thought to himself, as he began the painful process of removing his trapped arm, without waking the girl.

Having successfully liberated his arm, and got the blood flowing into it again, he began to hunt down his own clothes, among the multiple pieces scattered across the floor. He quickly found the long sleeved blue undershirt he had worn yesterday, along with his navy trouse-

Were these rips?

'She must have been rather impatient last night.'

He mentally patted himself on the back for his good work as he applied the wrapping at the bottom of his trousers (to stop them billowing about – impeding movement), and pulled on his sandals. Checking his headband was properly secured, he blew a last kiss at the sleeping figure alone in the large bed before leaping out the window, and setting off across the rooftops.

* * *

Naruto discovered Jiraiya asleep, sake in one hand, tits in the other. He 'delicately' nudged his teacher awake.

Quite literally, the Sannin found himself awoken by his student, one hand suspiciously empty, the other firmly wedged down the shirt of one of the multiple women sleeping beside him. As he cleared himself of the last vestiges of sleep, he noticed the pain radiating from his left arm, what had woken him up it seemed. He spotted the smirk plastered on his student's face, quickly linking the two facts. Payback was required.

Naruto's grin faltered at the glint in his teacher's eye. He couldn't react fast enough as a large arm shot out and pulled him down, towards one of the sleeping women.

* * *

"I almost suffocated, bastard!"

This was the shout that woke a large portion of the town. Heads poked out of windows to see a variety of curses exit a certain blonde's mouth, as he tried in vain to catch a certain fleeing sage, hurling multiple projectiles as he went. It was a good twenty minutes later that Naruto signalled to his teacher he was finished. The apprentice had chased his teacher all across the town after nearly losing his life due to his head being shoved, deeply in the crevice between a rather large pair of breasts. The lack of oxygen his student was suffering from was only apparent to Jiraiya as the teen passed out, thirty seconds or so after he had stopped struggling. Coming round, the red mist descended.

Sure, he was fast, but he just didn't have the speed to catch the more experienced man and was exhausted after the high speed chase. They could both be found a few minutes later, enjoying breakfast at one of the few stands open at the early hour.

"So my _favourite_ apprentice," Jiraiya's voice broke the silence that had settled over the two as they ate. "How was the Ramen girl?"

Naruto just didn't understand how the pervert always found out exactly who it was he had 'entertained' the previous night, and it greatly unnerved him to think about possible methods his teacher was employing. Naruto wouldn't grace the intrusive question with an answer.

"Hmmph"

"You should write a few books, kiddo." A smile crept onto his face as he watched Naruto slowly shake his head. It was a lot more positive than the last time he had suggested it. "I'm sure with the stuff you get up too, it could even be competition for Icha Icha."

Another 'Hmmph'

They'd had this conversation before, and each time, Naruto would refuse. He was reluctant to share his sexual experiences with a bunch of perverts, but there was no doubt that with what he had done in bed, it would be a bestseller. Maybe if he was bored, or needed a distraction, he would take it up. It was only recently however, that he would have actually been physically able to do it. At the start of his training under Jiraiya, a little over a year ago, his handwriting had been _the_ worst looking thing, next to a certain youthful duo's choice of clothing of course. Jiraiya had quickly straightened that out, and only recently had the speed of his kanji writing increased to something slightly similar to his mentor's. It was essential to his sealing abilities that his calligraphy was top notch.

As they exited the stand however, Naruto was struck with a sudden thought.

"Hey Sensei, do you remember what you talked about yesterday?" The blonde eagerly asked his teacher.

Sensei?

'The brat only calls me that when he wants something,' thought Jiraiya, already not looking forward to the day ahead, as he nodded his head in reply.

"You said something about a mission." Naruto helpfully reminded, and then continued with, "Although it was more of a slur." His voice was still rather raspy from the sake he had procured during breakfast, having 'found it'. He actually enjoyed the burning sensation the spirit gave him, from the previous times he had 'accidently' drank from his teacher's cup.

Jiraiya hadn't really wanted this day to come. He wasn't sure if his student was ready, and he really didn't want Tsunade to castrate him if she found out just what the mission entailed.

"Well, it isn't really something we can discuss here, is it," he asked his student rhetorically, indicating the busying street they stood in the centre of. "And we most definitely cannot discuss it without ridiculous amounts of sake!" he deduced… somehow.

"Brat, get on it, I'll meet you on the North road, leading out of the town." And with that, he jumped away.

* * *

Having bought and sealed away a 'ridiculous' amount of sake, Naruto began the search of his teacher, his wallet pitifully empty.

It had become somewhat of a test whenever the Sage had told his student to meet him somewhere. He hadn't actually found Jiraiya yet, not without a legion of shadow clones to help him anyway. Jiraiya was always within a mile of where he said he would be, and Naruto hoped that today was the day that he would find his pervy sensei, by himself, for the first time.

Naruto had been searching low and high for the best part of an hour. He was thorough in his plight, but could not for the life of him feel the chakra of the big man, nor find any traces of movement. Retracing his steps for the third time, he stopped.

It was then that he felt it. The slight tugging in the corner of his mind, he recognised the sign his chakra was being disturbed.

Ah, the whispers of a genjutsu.

It made sense now. Why the white haired man was able to elude him for all this time was rather simple.

Naruto hadn't thought the idiot could use genjutsu to save his life. The blonde had pegged his sensei as someone like him, a powerhouse, relying on the heavier arts of Ninja life to get through the day.

Naruto broke the illusion with a large flare of his own chakra. It smashed, revealing a beaming teacher behind it, clearly ecstatic at the progress his protégé had made.

Now that he thought a little about it, Naruto was fully aware that Sannin ran his own spy network. Obviously the man would have picked up a few tricks along the way.

"Well brat, consider me impressed." The white haired sensei broke his student's moment of reflection.

"I didn't know that you knew any genjutsu?" The teen queried.

"Ah well, this is the only one that I know," he admitted sheepishly. He continued, "But as a reward for your good work and progress, I shall teach it to you!"

Naruto grinned. Another jutsu to add to his growing repertoire. He faltered.

"But my control isn't the _best_."

His teacher quickly corrected him, "Nah, your control has improved, and with practice you should be able to pull it off." He quickly engaged 'teach' mode. "But don't go thinking you're invisible, because this certainly isn't an advanced illusion. Anyone looking for it will easily pick up on it, so try to be sensible where and when you cast it." He finished and showed Naruto the hand signs, promising to work on it with him in the coming sessions.

The student thanked his teacher and got ready to follow him to where they were to train next, when his brain rewound

The mission!

"Hey Sensei, what about the mission you talked about?" Naruto asked as his teacher got ready to move on

Jiraiya winced. 'Crap, I was hoping to occupy him with that Jutsu so he would forget. I guess he really has matured.'

The toad sage hesitantly began. "Ah, well, a few days ago I got reports that a number of _individuals_ from villages near the border had gone missing. According to a contact of mine, some Sound nin were seen in the area around the same time. I usually deal with these kinds of things alone (it was true, Jiraiya would go off for few days occasionally) but my drunk self thought it would be a good idea to tell you about it." He sighed. "These kinds of missions don't usually end pleasantly Naruto; I would prefer it if we waited a while longer before you tagged along on a mission like this."

It really was a big deal it seemed. His teacher very rarely called him by his name, when he did, it was big. Naruto genuinely considered letting Jiraiya go by himself, and then he realised just what he was thinking.

Leaving innocent people to face who-knows-what, when he had the power to help them?

He was a Konoha shinobi, and if the vows he made when he took his headband meant anything, he would protect the citizens of Fire Country to his last breath.

"Thanks for the concern old man, but I'll be fine," he reinforced his point with a toothy grin and a thumbs up.

He grimaced at the thought of what he was exposing his Godson too, but knew that it was futile to try and argue with him. He had decided that it would have to be done at some point anyway, so he began to brief his student on what they were going to do for the next few days

"Alright brat, we're going to travel North to the area where the girls were abdu-," Jiraiya stopped.

'Shit.'

"Girls? What do you mea… oh." Naruto had figured it out.

Jiraiya watched as his student paled. He had hoped to slowly break it to him, that what, and who, they were dealing with, was something particularly nasty. It seemed that he had completely blown that chance.

"Feel free to stay here kid. I'm not gonna force you to go." Jiraiya tried to sound comforting, hoping the teen would listen to is advice. He didn't.

Naruto wondered if he had made a rash decision in agreeing to go.

It sounded rough out there.

But it was too late to back out now, he had given his word, and he would not go back on it. That was one thing that had not changed about him, and he doubted it ever would.

The blonde rapidly shook his head.

"It doesn't change a thing. I'm still going." Naruto confirmed his thoughts to his sensei.

'Damn, he's as stubborn as the old man was' the white haired man thought, proudly observing his student.

"Ok brat, I'll explain the plan on the way, but steel yourself for what is to come." Jiraiya warned.

"It won't be pretty."

* * *

So that's it chaps, the beginning of our first mission! If you find any particularly embarrassing mistakes, feel free to point them out to me. I had already almost finished this chapter by the time I posted the story, so any more updates will certainly take longer. This took me about 4 nights to write, and I'm not sure if that is a long time by other authors' standards, but hey, I take my time and try to make as few errormnjllts as possible. (Thanks to 'animekingmike' for pointing out quite the error on my behalf.)  
Any questions - anything at all - feel free to ask me, by any means you see fit!

Again, thanks for reading,

Ben.


End file.
